Adventures Of A Thirtysomething Mama

I am a first time mama in Vancouver BC.

I dreamed of becoming a mother from when I was a tiny girl.  I never daydreamed about a wedding, but I did about my future baby and all the things I would one day do as a mother.  When the time came and my soon-to-be husband and I were talking about getting pregnant I assumed I was so deserving of a baby that it would just happen.  My first real lesson in wanting something so bad that it hurt, but not getting it.

3 years of not trying not to (if you get what I mean) get pregnant there was no sign of a baby.  After realizing we may need a little help an appointment was made and we waited.  Finally the day came and I walked out of the doctors feeling filled with renued hope.  Got the perscription and decided we would begin after our nuptuals in New York the following month.

 A week before leaving to get married we found out I was pregnant.  I was pregnant at the doctors appointment!  A wedding and a baby…what more could a girl want?!

 The months waiting felt like an eternity.  I was consumed with excitment of buying baby things and getting the special little room ready.  I was SO ready.  So I though…

Nothing could prepare me for the arrival of our little one, Jackson, on January 5, 2007.  What an amazing, undescribable feeling it is to look into the eyes of your own child.  You can’t even imagine you could love somone so much. 

Then reality hits.  The physical recovery of childbirth.  The wacky hormones and unsure feelings.  No one tells you about this.  Or maybe, in my case, I wasn’t wanting to listen.  

I have realized motherhood truly is the most selfless task I will ever accomplish.  It is ever changing and growing.  The bond between mother and baby is undescribable.  I am learning as I go and find true value in sharing our experiences as both women and as mothers.   Each is so different, yet so much the same.

I have found being a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend and a member of my community have all come before me.  Me in the sense of remembering what I want for my life.  My goals, dreams and wishes.  Through writing I get a moment to remind myself of those things.